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Many cannot resist the urge. They don’t mean to, but they just can’t resist.
They are often not even aware of the impact it has on other people.
Especially potential buyers of your solution.
But others notice, and when the affected person leaves the room or the conversation, you can see the sighs of relief from others.
Potential buyers memorize the person and their company in their minds. It says: “Don’t buy from the company
What is James all about and what relevance does it have for me?
Let me explain…
We are all selfish as humans.
Deep down we want what we want.
We all crave affection and for others to like us and think the best of us. We want people to see us as successful and important. We want others to see and believe that we have important lives.
We are all surrounded by so many social media images and stories of people doing well that we want to show that we are the same.
- If someone has 10 friends, we want to show that we have 11
- If someone had to drive 50 miles to get to a meeting, we want to show that we had to drive 100 miles
- If someone ate dinner at a 2‑star restaurant, we want to show that we ate at a 3‑star restaurant!
- If someone has a car that’s 6 months old, we want to show that we have a brand new one!
- If someone owns the iPhone 14, we want to show that we just bought the new iPhone 15
If anyone has just been on holiday in Tenerife, we would like to show that we were in Elevenarife!
I made up this phrase to describe a person I once met at a networking event.
He seemed like a nice enough guy at first, but whenever anyone in the group of four (who had just started chatting, as one does at events) discussed something they had done, he had to outdo them.
It started just seconds after this lady (who we had all just met) said her company had had a record month, to which I and others said “Congratulations, that’s fantastic.”
I was about to ask what she did to achieve the results and what insights she could share with us, but Mr. Vain interrupted her and said, “Yes, we also had a record quarter.” “We are where we are “This time last year.”
The three of us congratulated and the conversation then moved on to the types of clients they have worked with. One of the other members of the group politely mentioned that they tend to work with “high net worth individuals,” and yes, you guessed it, before anyone could ask what they did for them or how they found it, Mr. piped up. Vain high.
“We work with a lot of millionaires and people who have also done incredibly well themselves.” “We have a who-who of rich people in our client book.”
Then it became clear. For some reason he was just an Elevenarifer. If you had been to Tenerife he would find a way to top it and say he had been to Elevenarife….
Things change in 2 weeks.
Would you like to be part of the change?
Click here to see what happens!
He just couldn’t help himself. Wanting to feel important and remain part of the conversation, every time someone had something to share, he had to improve it.
It happened again and then I got bored of the conversation, apologized and left. However, as I was leaving the event, I met one of the group and smiled as they said to me, “You were lucky.” At this point, it was clear that our friend had continued to promote how great he was, despite this At that point it was clear that this had the opposite effect that he would have wanted.
Was there any chance that I or the other person I ended up talking to would buy from Mr Eleven?
Not in a million years. Even if his company was the last in the world to sell a certain type of service, I would consciously look for another solution instead of buying from him!!!
That was the extent of the impact his narcissistic and selfish behavior had had.
What’s sad, however, is that he probably left the event thinking everything went so well… Unfortunately, there is no one as blind as those who don’t want to see.
Why did I do this for the purpose of today’s email?
Because unfortunately, I see this behavior happening a lot, and it’s a form of engagement you should avoid if you want to keep potential buyers on your site at new events.
Sure, have something to say when someone asks you a question, and by all means be proud of who you are and what you do, but don’t become an Elevenarifer!
Don’t become that person who is so self-obsessed (and insecure, yes, that’s what I think it ultimately boils down to) and is always trying to outdo someone else.
It makes you look like an idiot and doesn’t reflect well on you and your company. It makes you seem self-obsessed and shows that you have very little emotional intelligence.
And these qualities usually do NOT appeal to buyers!!
When I leave a meeting or discussion with someone, I always ask myself these three things:
- What should this person FEEL after speaking to me/being in my company?
- What should this person THINK about me and what I do?
- What should this person do or act after meeting with me?
Ideally, I’m looking for people who think:
- He was a nice guy and he made me feel important and valued. I enjoyed chatting with him.
- He was really helpful and informative. He has some good insights and shares things that I found useful. He could be a great connection.
- I’ll take a closer look at what he’s doing and keep an eye on his stuff. He could be someone I want to work with.
Do I always do it right? No way! I wish I had, and I know there were times when I was completely wrong about meeting people.
But deep down I think I’m interested in other people and trying to understand more about them. I have incorporated “what” and “how” questions into my vocabulary and use them to understand more about other people I meet.
We have met all Elevenarifers and I am sure we all have the same feelings for her.
We want to avoid them more than anything, and deep down we probably even feel sorry for them.
But it’s clear that we generally don’t want to buy from them!
If you’re selling a high-value service or solution that doesn’t require human interaction, then congratulations, but you’re in the minority. Most businesses need to connect with buyers because the value of the service increases and buyers still want to buy from people they like.
You don’t have to be close friends with someone to buy from them, but you do have to feel an affinity for them and want to work with them if you want to place an order with them.
If you are an Elevenarifer, people will invariably not want to buy from you and over time it will also damage your reputation. Some people get away with it, but many don’t. Business can then become a struggle for them.
If you are one of these people and find yourself with a tendency to always talk about what you have done, take a look in the mirror and ask yourself: “WHY” do you have to do this?
The answer lies here and deeper in your soul, but I am not a psychotherapist!
All I know is that you don’t want to build a reputation for being an Elevenarifer!
Things change in 2 weeks.
Would you like to be part of the change?
Click here to see what happens!
